A bad mother

Iv’e been unsure if I should write this post or not but I think I need to to get it out of my system.

My mum has never been great but she has really pushed it this time. I can’t believe what an awful person she is being.

Let me take you back. My OH has a full time job working nights for Tesco but he is very talented at building things and gardens and basically everything πŸ™‚

Anyway my mum wanted her back garden doing. It looked a total mess so needed a total makeover. Tom agreed to do it for Β£150. Really really cheap and not enough but he agreed because it’s family. He said it wouldn’t be done really quickly because he had a full time job and she was fine with that.

Tom did a few things he bought Β£50 in hardcore, took some tyres to her house (15min drive) to make a feature, he cleared her shed, trips to the tip etc. We were at their house one day and Tom was going to complete it when this happened so he left and came home to comfort me.

After that we all got really ill (you know the bugs that never disappear) and Tom was so ill he had to have a month off work. We heard nothing from my mum in all this time.

We were out one day and she text me ‘I want my money back’ that’s right no how are you or the kids, nothing! So we got into an argument. I never once got angry I just kept repeating that she’s not asked how any of us are, she doesn’t ask to see the kids etc etc

All she kept saying was she wanted the Β£150 back.

We stopped taking for months again and then she text’s again ‘I want my money back’ but this time the tween had received no birthday card or present.

Again we had a text argument all the time with me saying how crap a mother she is and that all she cares about is money. She always has been like that. Not once did she acknowledge that Tom has done a lot of work, more than a Β£150 worth and that she has not asked how any of my children or myself are.

Again we didn’t talk for ages and today I got another text, this is exactly how the conversation went……

Mum: I want my money back friday

Me: yes again myself and kids are fine, thanks for asking

Mum: I will ask you how you are when I get my money back

Me: And that just shows you what I have said before, all you care about is money! Why are you a bad mum? Take a look at yourself! If you don’t see that you are doing anything wrong then we are all better off without you.

Mum: that’s fine if that’s how you feel give me my money back and do what you want

Me: your not owed any money

Mum: yes I am

Me: not from us so go sniffing around someone else for money

Mum: yes I am I paid Β£150 to do my garden and it wasn’t done

Me: Tom did Β£150 worth of work

Mum: No he didn’t he just made it a mess give me my money or I don’t want to know you any more. You don’t do things like that to your mother

Me: Ok that’s fine, I don’t want to know you any more. You also shouldn’t do things like this to your daughter and her children.

No more!

I am not giving her any money. She want’s Β£150 back and that is definitely not happening. There is a lot more to this story. She has upset me on more that this occasion, never apologising. In the texts before I said that she never asks if the kids are ok and she hasn’t seen them in months and he reply was Β that she shouldn’t have to ask to see them. If we are not speaking, then she doesn’t bother with my kids, ever! For instance she didn’t bother with the tween’s birthday and I bet she doesn’t with Harry’s next week either.

She is the worst kind there is! For instance she bought my step sister’s little girl a christening present, they feel out so she gave the gifts to some of her other grandchildren. My sister lives a couple of hours away and she never see’s her chidren. My brother (who the sun shines out of her butt even though he’s an arse) has moved near my sister. She call’s my sister to ask about my brother and talk about his daughter but never asks about my sister and her kids.

I also had a miscarriage while all this was going on.
 

 

About teentweentoddler

Hi, I am a SAHM to 4. Two teens, a preschooler and a baby. This is where I share some of our ups and downs of life.

This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

22 Responses to A bad mother

  1. Thank you for sharing this. It takes a lot of guts to do but well done. Secondly it sounds like youve got a wonderful hubby. And thirdly your own family must come first. I too have a mother who is a psycho and so vile and nasty it is untrue. The sad thing is when I had to throw her out of our wedding 6 yrs ago my Dad sided with her and I endedup not speaking to my Dad as well for 5 years. But all the advice I was given was you have to put your immediate family first. And if that means cutting out a family member because they are vile and never going to change then do it. Whatever you do remain staedfast in making decisions that benefits you. If she comes crawling (prob unlikley) then dont feel tou have to give in. I hope this helps. but I know exactly how you are feeling and for me I just tell myself I cant let anything stand in the way of being the best Dad I can be πŸ™‚

  2. Hope my post posted πŸ™‚

  3. Claire Quaile says:

    I can completely sympathise with you, my mum is just awful. She doesn’t even know she has 2 new granddaughters! I haven’t seen nor spoken to her since I left the UK. I agree with the previous comment – your own family are what’s important now, with that being said I am sorry that you are having to deal with this!
    Love and Hugs!
    Claire xx

  4. One great quote that I remind myself of frequently: the ability to make friends is God’s way of apologising for your family.
    Yes, your mum should be the one who’s always there, supporting you and helping you out – but she’s not. When that happens, the best thing you can do is walk away – especially where there are children involved. Your children come first for you, that is blindingly obvious. They don’t need presents from someone else. You will all be fine, and I’m sure your mother will live without her bloody Β£150.

  5. You have a wonderful husband and family, and you are a great mother. it’s such a shame that you don’t have your own mum’s support, but you don’t need it and she doesn’t deserve your efforts if she does things like this to your kids x

  6. Lyndsey says:

    Hey Hun, I’m truly shocked and saddened for you that you went through a miscarriage without the support of your mum. Big hugs. We as mums ourselves now, know what are kids mean to us and could never in a million years imagine treating our children like that, so therefore, she can’t be called a mother. I see by your posts you gave other amazing family members, your dad and step mum? I hope I’m right? Your amazing hubby to be who works all the hours to support his family, and was still gracious enough to help your “mother” with her garden. You have three beautiful children who are obviously benefitting from you being a SAHM. If you can be, them why not? I am. I am lucky enough to be. I had children, as I wanted to raise them. Take care Hun, look after the ones that don’t care when you’re skint, Ill,or in a mood! Ha! I’d they don’t want you when you’re at you’re worst they don’t deserve you at you’re best! πŸ™‚ xx

    • Thank you so much for your comment, it means so much! You’re right I do have a great dad and step mum, I’m very lucky with some of the people in my life. I love being a SAHM to my children, I, like you also had them to raise them. Great quote at the end, I will remember that one πŸ™‚ xx

  7. I find things like this really hard to grasp, as a mum I can’t even contemplate treating my kids like that and up until the day my mum died I was always a big mummy’s girl and she’d have done anything for any of us and went without quite often in order for us to have what we needed…I thought that’s what mums were meant to do.
    I do however often get really upset when I think about the fact the kid’s ‘dad’ has chosen not to bother with them or be a part of their lives for so long …I don’t get how people can treat their own flesh and blood like that.
    But… as people often tell me, they’re better off without him in their lives if that’s the way he’s chosen to behave and I believe the same can be said for you. If this woman can behave like this and have no regards for her daughter or grandchildren then she simply doesn’t deserve you and you’re all much better off without her.
    xxx

    PS…can Tom come do my garden? πŸ˜‰

    • That’s lovely that you had a relationship like that with your mum, that is how it should be! Yes I also get upset that the older twos biological dad doesn’t give a shit about them (even though they have a better dad now) I will never not care about my kids.
      Yeah tom will pop round and do it when he’s free lol xx

  8. This must of been such a hard post to write! I really hope you manage to get through all these issues with your mum with the help of your family! It’s such a shame she feels the need to be like this with you not exactly what you should have to deal with from your mum such a shame for her really missing out on you and your family sounds like she needs a reality check! Xx

  9. Elizabeth says:

    ((hugs)) I’m so sorry to hear about your miscarriage and that everything is so topsy turvey. Family, eh? You can’t pick ’em! Stay strong. x

  10. Oh lovely. I am sorry. From what I can see you are doing a great job being a great Mum with not a brilliant role model. It must be so hard but you just need to focus on your own little family and be the best Mum you can be (which you are doing!) xxx

  11. fireflyphil says:

    I had to read this twice (plus the comments so far) to get my head round it all. I can hardly take it in that a mother can be like this. For one thing, any fair-minded person would see that your OH well earned the Β£150 (and more) anyway! Then, to ignore you while you had a miscarriage and you were all ill, then open a discussion the way she did, is despicable.
    It all makes me even more grateful for the wonderful mum I had (and often took for granted) and the dad I still have.
    I hope you all have better times soon.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *