Today was a tough day. Last night I had hardly any sleep due to baby doing somersaults, aching body and insomnia. This morning Harry came in lovely as usual but then started to get in a mood (who knows why) and kicked me in the tummy and smacked my face. He then had two tantrums and all by 7.15am.
Tom works nights but had to be up earlier than usual to take teen trampolining so he was of course tired.
As the day wore on Harry kept being a handful and was very very emotional and I was getting extremely tired. Even when Harry wasn’t crying or moaning, he was still a handful because he’s so full of energy and it was sucking what little energy I had. Tom kept falling asleep on the sofa with a pillow over his head, which I don’t blame him for because he’s of course tired and has got work tonight but it did not help me and pushed me even further.
I went in the kitchen to start dinner but was greeted with a load of washing up first. Washing up is of course bloody annoying but being so big, I have to wash up on my side. My tummy was hurting, I was tired, hay fever was getting to me, my emotions were all over the place and I just broke down crying in the kitchen. No one came into me so I just continued to wash up and cooked dinner.
I think today got to me so much because of all the above but also I have been feeling very very low lately. I kept a diary of the year I was pregnant with Harry so it’s from a few weeks pregnant until he was a few months old. It’s a fantastic thing and I’m so glad I kept it up but it also has it’s disadvantages.
When I think of my pregnancy and birth with Harry, it brings back awful memories. I remember it all being a horrible experience from start to finish ( I know I wonder why I’m doing it again too) anyway I’ve been reading it again to see if symptoms are the same etc and all it did was make me sad. You see as I’ve said the whole experience was awful. I had gestational diabetes, high blood pressure that resulted in pre-eclampsia and a few stops in hospital, one being 7 days and towards the end, I was in hospital twice a week for appointments. But reading my diary, yes all of that happened but my first problems started when I was 29 weeks. I had Harry at 37 weeks so that was 8 weeks of hell. And I remember it so much and how awful it was but what’s got me down the most is that I am 18 weeks now and have already had many appointments at the hospital (I’ve been every week for 5 weeks) and I already have gestational diabetes that’s having to be treated and I have to closely watch my blood pressure (I also have appointments in line for that)
I am really worried that it’s already begun and is getting me down, how will I cope until the end? It was really tough with Harry and I didn’t have a toddler to deal with every day.