Feeling sad

Feeling so sad but you don’t know why, feeling so sad when you have no right

Everything you have is perfect, more than most people have. Yet you just can’t shift it, you’ve tried, but that just increased it

You’ve tried for so long to push it aside and tell yourself it will be alright

You tell yourself you’ve done it, it’s buried deep inside and to everyone around you, you’re back to the start

But it doesn’t go, it’s like an untreated disease and all it did was grow and become the worst it’s ever been 

You feel you don’t want to be here, you just don’t want to cope and yet somewhere inside you says you don’t want to go away 

Tom reminds me how much I love him when he helps so much with no hesitation 

The children smile and my heart grows with love but almost instantly the guilt bursts it

Going to sleep really late because you fear the morning but that only makes the morning worse

Having people around you, yet feeling so alone because you know they don’t understand

Worried if I tell people how I feel I’ll get the “why did you have four kids if you can’t cope?” Like it’s that simple

You know you don’t want to feel this way, but how to break the cycle? The doctor just scares you as they will see you as a failure. 
(I know it’s not written perfectly but I just jotted it down as it came out) 

About teentweentoddler

Hi, I am a SAHM to 4. Two teens, a preschooler and a baby. This is where I share some of our ups and downs of life.
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6 Responses to Feeling sad

  1. Kim Carberry says:

    Please do go to the doctors….They won’t judge you!
    Sending big hugs! I hope things are better soon x

  2. Aww Sharon no one will see you as a failure you are amazing and just need some help right now. I hope you go to the doctors and get some help sending lots of love xx

  3. Oh Sharon you are a fabulous Mum. But you need to go to the doctors my lovely. This doesn’t make you a failure. If someone has broken their leg you would insist they go, this is no different. Thinking of you xx

  4. RachelSwirl says:

    so there with you right now…

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