Mum guilt with teens 

When you become a parent we always get that thing called guilt. Nine times out of 10 there is no need for that guilt at all its just something that we’ve created in our own heads and the children don’t even know why or don’t even have a clue about your guilt. Mostly when you tell people about your guilt they usually say oh honestly don’t even worry about it your child will not even know. We usually get told there is no need, and they’re usually right. 

Then you have teens and it’s a whole lot different. Usually it’s still the same ‘feeling guilty for no reason’ but the children DO know and WILL make you feel worse. You would think as teenagers they would understand when things happen out of our control, but sadly they don’t. 

For instance on the day of my daughters 15th birthday I was in hospital being induced. We obviously knew about the induction so we treated her the day before and made that day special instead. 

As a parent you will know that I was shitting myself about the induction (had previously had a bad one) and I was feeling guilty BUT do you think that registered with my daughter? Of course not. She still went on about her rubbish birthday. 

P.s he came the next day. 

And then a year later when her 16th came around and my son’s first. Firstly she moaned about having to share it with her brother (even though I said several times that they are two seperate days) and then she moaned because I was ill and didn’t do a lot on her birthday. 

For months we asked her what she wanted to do and she eventually said “the ice cream parlour with some friends and shopping” 

Her birthday was on a Tuesday (so she was at school for half of it) We got up with her and watched her open her presents and sang happy birthday to her but then I spent the whole day in and out of sleep in bed. I was so ill with flu, it was horrendous! I felt so guilty for not doing anything with her and apologised to her BUT do you think that stopped her slamming doors and being in an obvious mood with the whole household? Nope! 
Even though we had booked the ice cream parlour she asked for on the following Saturday (which I did even though I still felt poorly) and she had planned a shopping trip with all her friends for the Saturday after. 

Also at the moment my 14 year old son shares a room with his 4 year old brother because we live in a 3 bed house. We will be moving to a bigger house at some point in the year, possibly next but of course it’s not that simple. I already feel guilty about this because I know he wants his own space BUT instead of just understanding, he goes on about it ALL THE TIME! 

There are many other times they make me feel guilty too and usually it’s when I already do. 

Parenting is so hard sometimes. 


About teentweentoddler

Hi, I am a SAHM to 4. Two teens, a preschooler and a baby. This is where I share some of our ups and downs of life.
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10 Responses to Mum guilt with teens 

  1. Caroline Job says:

    please please don’t feel guilty. You are doing an amazing job. 3 kids is tough! I have 3 and at times you wish you were like Superwoman or like an octopus! (I know I did when mine were little!) you are doing the best you can. Your kids need to see that. It’s great to have a birthday at a similar time to siblings. My 18 year old has the same birthday as my sister! They are twinnies! They embrace it! It’s fun! Yes, ok it might be tough to share the date! but look on the bright side! All that joy, love and presents all on the same day! You must not allow the kids to make you feel bad. You are letting them make you feel like that. If they are annoyed. Let them be annoyed but don’t let it affect you so much. It is hard, can be really hard. I know with my younger 2, they give me a really tough time. I’ve had a chat about it with them. They are getting better. They can see my side of things, a little bit. There is no need for them to be so hard on you. You are doing a great job! They are responsible for their own happiness and you are responsible for your own. You can’t make anyone else happy but you can make YOU happy! Good luck!

  2. Oh all the guilt! I feel it too sometimes but it’s important to take a step back and reflect – you shouldn’t feel guilty – think of all the wonderful things that you do for your children. Very often children take out their emotions on those they are closest too which is inevitably us mums which is why we then feel so guilty. It’s so hard not to take it personally though! You’re doing brilliantly – four children!! #TweensTeensBeyond

  3. Oh dear! I feel your pain! They look like adults and we expect them to behave like adults (they certainly want to be treated like adults when it suits them!), but half of the time teenagers have the empathy of toddlers 🙁 I’m sure it will all make them stronger people and one day they will look back and understand! x

  4. chickenruby says:

    my kids would make me feel guilty because i reacted to their problems/issues being in a family of 7, it was inevitable that everyones needs couldn’t met all the time and with the eldest child being disabled they’d moan all the time about having to tidy their toys so their sister didn’t eat, throw or break them. we were 7 of us in a 3 bed house for 2 years, then one day we just said, enough is enough, this is how it is, get on with it and we stopped reacting to every little complaint, trying to make sure everything was fair. we eventually moved into a 6 bed house and their sister went into a care home, guess what? they found something else to moan about all the time. as adults we have a very good relationship with our children, although not so much them with one another, but they all rally around when needed. #tweensteensandbeyond

  5. I think it is the way with Teens to push our buttons every now and then and test our limits. When mine start to moan I walk away and “rise above it” . We all do the best we can by our children but life is not perfect and they unfortunately need to see the bad and the good bits of life in order to be prepared for what life has to throw at them in the future. Believe you are doing the best you can and the guilt will start to dissipate…hopefully! Thanks so much for joining us again. #TweensTeensBeyond

  6. Oh the old guilt thing! We wear it well don’t we. God don’t they say all the right things. Like its the end of the world and they have the worst life. It’s times like these when I actually rise up and think ‘tough’. Having attended every school trip and event – guess which one my daughter remembers the most!!! What a terrible feeling it was to be the only one without a parent. She wasn’t of course. I think the fact they moan about it shows they still have some spirit in them which in turn means they are OK. I’m off to feel guilty now at sounding so flippant. But hey I’m going out ……… #TweensTeensBeyond is delighted to have you again. No guilt here! Nicky

  7. Sharon Parry says:

    Ahh teens are the world champions at making you feel guilty. they expect complete independence but if you fail to answer a text immediately of don’t answer their calls you are made to feel like the worst parent in the world. I am learning to rise above it!! Thanks so much for joining us at #TweensTeensBeyond, we really value your support.

  8. RachelSwirl says:

    Kids will literally find anything to moan about because they see life as unfair to them. They don’t understand the reality of finance, the reality of life and the struggles that us adults endure on a daily basis. Once they are adults themselves they will eat humble pie x

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