My breastfeeding journey


I was unsure if I wanted to write this post or not because I was worried about the comments I might get but I don’t want my blog to be fake because I’m not fake. And I don’t think I’m the only person to go on this journey.

When I fell pregnant with Jack I made the decision I would like to try breastfeeding. He is my 4th baby and would be the first to be breastfed. That is because breastfeeding is not that simple as some people say. Just because it is easy for you or you pushed through the difficulties, doesn’t mean it’s the same for everyone else. If you can breastfeed then brilliant but if you can’t or don’t want to, then that’s OK too.

I was 18 with my first and had a very traumatic birth so didn’t even want to try. My second I just didn’t want to. I have no reason why, I just didn’t feel I wanted to. With my third I wanted to try but again had a traumatic birth and it was just near impossible to try. So with my 4th it was in my mind that I wanted to try but fully anticipated that it might not work that way.

Sadly again I had a traumatic birth so was put off again so in the hospital I gave him bottles but I gave him Aptamil which I know is good for doing both breast and bottlefeeding and when I was given blood pressure pills I asked for ones that are OK while breastfeeding.

So when I got home I tried. It wasn’t the easiest so I did both breast and formula feeding. And I’m sad to say that he’s now 6 weeks and I solely formula feed now. I am sad but I know it just wasn’t for me for a few reasons and that is OK. He is gaining weight perfectly (he’s actually getting a little chunk) and he’s happy and healthy and that is all that matters.

And I did try!

I can’t say what one thing made me stop because it was a number of things, for instance

  • It hurt like hell
  • I struggled to keep him latched on (which I think is why it hurt so much)
  • baby blues and feeling totally useless that I was struggling
  • Myself and the whole house being poorly which resulted in hardly any sleep which just made everything worse.

and then eventually my milk dried up.  But I did give him some of my milk and one whole feed once which I am proud of. I am sad to not still be doing it but that’s life. There is no good keep punishing myself when I have a perfect little baby that I have and always will try my best for.

About teentweentoddler

Hi, I am a SAHM to 4. Two teens, a preschooler and a baby. This is where I share some of our ups and downs of life.
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12 Responses to My breastfeeding journey

  1. Wendy Rogers says:

    It’s up to you how you choose to feed your baby. I was very ill after giving birth and I struggled with breastfeeding. I did manage it in the end but only because I had breastfeeding counsellors coming to help me. I would have stopped without them. The first 6 weeks are the hardest. You gave your baby a great start, so don’t feel bad. You have to take care of you too. New mums tend to forget about their own physical and mental wellbeing. You’re doing fantastic what you’re doing 🙂

  2. Nikki Fraser says:

    I’m not one of these people that spouts breast is best etc I believe as long as both the mother and baby are happy that just being Fed is Best, by which ever method you choose.
    You should be proud of yourself for doing what you wanted, you tried and you did manage to feed him. So if your both happy then Well Done 😀

  3. Becky says:

    Thankyou! I fed my first for six weeks and it was hell for both of us….with my second I didn’t even try. With my third, and with such a big gap between them, I really wanted to try. I was horrified when, due to a very stressful pregnancy, my milk never came. No big engorged boobies for me! Nothing. So my lil chunk was formula fed too. We try and we fail. It’s a fundamental part of being mum xxx

  4. Well done for trying, it really does hurt like hell sometimes. Especially at first. If mummy & baby are happy that’s all that matters xx

  5. With my first I tried to breastfeed but she was having none of it. Wouldn’t open her mouth, even with a bottle we had to force it in. With Fraser I wanted to again but like you I combined for 6 weeks then went to formula only. It is hard, it is sore, It is not for everyone but at least you tried! I will try again next time and hopefully it will work out (it feels so disappointing when it doesn’t) but at the end of the day baby is being fed and is happy!

  6. As long as mama & baby are happy it doesn’t matter which you choose. You’re looking fab by the way xx

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