I was unsure if I wanted to write this post or not because I was worried about the comments I might get but I don’t want my blog to be fake because I’m not fake. And I don’t think I’m the only person to go on this journey.
When I fell pregnant with Jack I made the decision I would like to try breastfeeding. He is my 4th baby and would be the first to be breastfed. That is because breastfeeding is not that simple as some people say. Just because it is easy for you or you pushed through the difficulties, doesn’t mean it’s the same for everyone else. If you can breastfeed then brilliant but if you can’t or don’t want to, then that’s OK too.
I was 18 with my first and had a very traumatic birth so didn’t even want to try. My second I just didn’t want to. I have no reason why, I just didn’t feel I wanted to. With my third I wanted to try but again had a traumatic birth and it was just near impossible to try. So with my 4th it was in my mind that I wanted to try but fully anticipated that it might not work that way.
Sadly again I had a traumatic birth so was put off again so in the hospital I gave him bottles but I gave him Aptamil which I know is good for doing both breast and bottlefeeding and when I was given blood pressure pills I asked for ones that are OK while breastfeeding.
So when I got home I tried. It wasn’t the easiest so I did both breast and formula feeding. And I’m sad to say that he’s now 6 weeks and I solely formula feed now. I am sad but I know it just wasn’t for me for a few reasons and that is OK. He is gaining weight perfectly (he’s actually getting a little chunk) and he’s happy and healthy and that is all that matters.
And I did try!
I can’t say what one thing made me stop because it was a number of things, for instance
- It hurt like hell
- I struggled to keep him latched on (which I think is why it hurt so much)
- baby blues and feeling totally useless that I was struggling
- Myself and the whole house being poorly which resulted in hardly any sleep which just made everything worse.
and then eventually my milk dried up. But I did give him some of my milk and one whole feed once which I am proud of. I am sad to not still be doing it but that’s life. There is no good keep punishing myself when I have a perfect little baby that I have and always will try my best for.